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infatuaters_rose
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Name: Britty
Country: Canada
Birthday: 12/11/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: delighting in the Lord, singing, food-stalking, stargazing, writing, roses, travelling, adventures, walking (and singing) in the rain, hugging lumpea, learning, listening to peoples's stories, surprising m.
Expertise: being the b in dabs, studying at the library with earl grey tea nearby, chatting & drinking tea with a, "singing" backstreet boys & 98 degrees with d, sharing geeky lit quotes with s, zoning out at school, procrastinating, drinking bbtea and choking, being hyper and tired at the same time, studying lists of words on the bus, being quirky, talking too much, talking too little, being frazzled easily, spending all of my money on food.
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
5/11/2003
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| Always in the outside looking in. Why am I so pathetic? I can't paddle right at all? And that makes me upset because I've been paddling for practically 3 months. Okay, so it doesn't sound like a lot. But 3 months of pain people! I've put everything I've got into it and I still suck. I tried so hard today.. trying to remember the 5 things I needed to work on. I was like thinking 'straighten bottom arm', 'pull across', 'sit low'. And ya know what? I STILL sucked? I mean I was conscious of it for a long time! But I can't seem to do any of that stuff. T-T! Fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge! Man, I really suck. Everyone's better than me. I feel so useless. I'm not pulling anything am I? I'm just dead weight as always. The thing is,. I was trying to improve so much today. I just keep plummeting further and further back into March. I just don't get it.
--- That was a blog from back in grade 9... I realized I'm a very insecure and negative person. It's simply not healthy. I have to work on improving instead of wallowing in self-pity/annoyance at myself. I'll definitely need God's help for more positive thoughts. |
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| let me start off by saying that i just starting taking my second summer class for this term. this class is called exercise prescription and it's all about what exercise is technically and practically especially regarding special populations such as those with various diseases and rehab patients.
i am not a extremely healthy or athletic person but i aim to be a good example to others so that everyone may be able to enjoy meaningful, independent lives.
the introduction to this class has been very interesting for me because of the health aspect of this class. health can be defined as the absence of disease within an individual. that the old and stuffy, antiquated definition of health where health and death are on opposite ends of the spectrum and health is viewed as black or white (healthy or not healthy). the next definition of health states that health is a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being. i absolutely love this definition of health because it is a holistic definition. it implies that we are more than the sum of our parts.
physical health. the energy to do daily tasks.
mental health. cognition (take in information), perception (process info), realism (appropriateness of the response), and contribution (deliver the response effectively).
social health. the ability to interact with others, enjoy meaningful relationships, fit in to society, enjoy equal opportunities, and treat others with respect.
we often take our mental and social health for granted but it's something equally as important to consider as physical health! if there is a breakdown in any one of these dimensions, there will be negative consequences or a breakdown of the other dimensions.
we can make smart decisions and change our behaviour to promote health. exercise is a term that scares a lot of people. so i personally think that it's all about doing little things in life that can help improve our fitness. walking is something most people can do and it's a great way for people to get some physical activity in their lives. some things that are important for wellness are:
- managing stress
- managing caloric intake
- improving your diet
- controlling high blood pressure and cholesterol
- managing alcohol consumption
- understanding that it's never too late to start.
a good diet and an active lifestyle may seem like a chore but think of how great you'll feel about yourself when you start doing those things. i think it's important to be educated about your health and your body. we're creatures of habit... the things you do today, you'll probably be doing in ten years. just as it's good to develop discipline and character now it's also wise to develop smart habits in diet and physical activity. it all starts now.
for me, i've been learning about friendships. sometimes i feel like it's difficult for me to learn to make new friends simply because i don't do that enough. because i don't use that set of social skills as often anymore, i feel like it's hard for me to get out there and make new friends. i think it's the same for a lot of other things, if we don't use our gifts we may not grow. if we don't work our minds, our mental functioning may fade. if we don't use our hearts to help others, our heart may grow weak.
don't be afraid to ask for help. don't be afraid to start today =). why put off for tomorrow what you can do today?
i think of this in terms of my walk with God as well. am i always going to wait for that "deeply spiritual" moment or am i going to believe and have faith that God can and will speak to me today when i pray and spend time reading the Bible? good habits need to be formed and strengthened to take care of our bodies (the temple of the Holy Spirit for Christian believers) as well as our personal walks with the Lord.
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| As sinful human beings, we are all prone to believe that our way is the right way. Most of us ask for very little advice and we want even less, which leads us to make some of the most painful and self-destructive choices imaginable. The solution is for us to learn to be more “teachable” - - just like Moses was in Exodus chapter 18.
To be “teachable” does not mean:
• That we feel obligated to take every piece of advice other people give us
• That we have to agree that every criticism we receive is valid
Being “teachable” means that we exhibit a three-part reaction to criticism:
#1 – We listen without defensiveness
#2 – We honestly pray and think about the criticism
#3 – To the degree that God shows us this criticism is valid, we determine to make changes in our life with the help of the Holy Spirit
A “teachable” spirit says:
#1 – “I appreciate what you are telling me.”
#2 – “Let me have some time to think and pray about it.”
#3 –“ I‟ll get back to you on it.”
The Bible says that a “wise person” responds to criticism with a “teachable” spirit. “A wise person listens to advice and gets wiser.” Proverbs 1:5
“The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise person listens to advice.” Proverbs 12:15
“Listen to advice and accept criticism, that you may be wise the rest of your days.” Proverbs 19:20
“Whoever listens to correction is wise.” Proverbs 15:5
By contrast, the Bible says that a “fool” is utterly “unteachable.”
“He who hates criticism is a fool.” Proverbs 12:1
“A fool resents all correction.” Proverbs 15:12
“Though you pound a fool in a mortar with a pestle like crushed grain, still his foolishness will not depart from him.” Proverbs 27:22
Nobody likes being criticized . . . But God blesses the person who has the humility to respond to criticism.
(copied from http://www.mcleanbible.org/uploads/03042007-SermonNotes.pdf... I'm always so scared to quote from sources I'm not sure of... but seems pretty legit to me.... at least for this blurb.)
***
I came home from ultimate practice feeling a little sad (those who are overly self critical will understand this). I realized I am not a teachable person. I kind of knew that.... even when I was little my mom would go through extra math books with me. One time I got a few questions wrong and my mom was trying to explain how to subtract correctly. I remember being so upset because I didn't get it right all by myself. I was trying to gain my mother's approval by being perfect.
Now let's go over my sore-loser streak. I was never good at sports and I tended to avoid them completely in elementary school. I was the kid who was scared of balls and got hit in the face with basketballs, soccer balls, volleyballs, you name it. Any time I played games with my family I would get so upset if I didn't win. I remember playing "war" with my sister and I would be such a sore loser and complain and whine if I was losing (and be giggly and happy if I was winning). SIGH.
Enter in dragonboat. The one sport I actually did! As I've re-read some of my ancient xanga posts about dragonboat I realize how much I learned from it. I learned to push myself and go all out. That was something I had never done before. I loved the team aspect of it. When you're in a boat with twenty other people you need everyone to be working their butts off. If they aren't working then they are literally dead weight to the boat (even more weight you have to pull).
So I realized I was really prideful... I remember it so clearly because I was so crazy about dboat (as were my friends). I think it was the first time I realized that if I worked hard I could be good and that if I was good I'd have so much pride in the fact that I was good. So, in my second year of paddling... I was put up front. I was a stroke and I got to call the shots and set the rate that the whole boat would have to follow. I pushed myself so hard. I reached as much as I could and since I was right in front and everyone would be looking at me I wanted to be *perfect*. I wanted to reach more and catch harder and snap faster. I wanted to have the best technqiue and be a *vital part of the team*. I did that for a few weeks and then I noticed by finger started hurting and sometimes it would ache and swell and hurt so bad.
Eventually I had to stop paddling on my right side. So there I was... my only athletic dream had been dashed to bits! As I look back on it now, it seems rather silly. But I think it's amazing what we will work for sometimes. We'll work for the praise of our friends and authority figures. We crave attention and to have good face in front of others. We seek to be important and show that we know what is going on and how life is supposed to look and that we've got it all.
This was devastating to me.... I stopped paddling and became a caller that year. I have to admit that I *loved* being the caller for our team. I got to sit at the front of the boat and call the shots. I got to call the drills and the races. I got to verbally push people and praise people for their efforts. When you see twenty people working so hard and looking dead tired and in pain, it's nice to give them a kind word to keep them going. Critiquing can be so fun... especially when you don't have to work hard at the time.
Sigh. I must seem so childish... but that's okay. The first step is admitting that I'm unteachable and prideful. I think the thing I loved about dragonboat was how much I felt needed and vital to the team. We had a lot of good group bonding activities. Even though I guess it's unprofessional and not adult-like I really benefited from hearing encouragement from coaches and peers. We had a lot of criticism... even harsh words form our coaches... but we were always praised in the end because of our hard work and commitment. I guess it's wrong to work for that praise because in the end we just have to know we did our best regardless. So with paddling I eventually just gave up on it after seeing a hand specialist. I had apparently ruptured the tendon sheath in my finger and to this day it still feels swollen and painful if I write too much.
So... with calling.... my voice was shot... and from then on I always felt like my singing voice was never good. Do you notice a pattern of injuries? Perhaps God's trying to teach me something! I remember calling for a race and the next day I had vocal jazz tryouts and by God's grace I was able to sing for the audition and get in.
Ah.... singing. Another source of pride. So after I realized that my voice wasn't as nice after ruining it... I lost so much self confidence about singing. I also tended to blame my vocal imperfections solely on my vocal "injury". I even went to a voice specialist... and basically I just had to work on how to sing properly. He recommended a few voice workshops or singing lessons with a speechlanguage pathologist... but my mom didn't have that kind of money to just throw around and waste on me (which is totally fine because I agree that it's really expensive!). I felt like the things I always thought I was good at were being taken away from me.
I think one time at my last dragonboat festival in 2005... I looked out on the water of False Creek at the boats racing and the people on the banks cheering... and I thought it was the best thing in the world. I remember soaking it all in... the feelings of drive and determination and respect for the winners and the endurance it must have taken to get to the top... I really liked that competitive world. I actually remember talking with God and saying, "if there's anything better than this, show me and I will follow." I can't remember exactly what I prayed but I remember thinking that.
Wow... there's so much teen angst hidden in these memories, eh? Haha. Anyway, I believe God showed me something better. He took me away from all of that stuff that I idolized and wanted to become... In grade 12 I didn't participate in dragonboat but instead was a member of the servant team/planning team for Hamber Christian Fellowship. What a blessing that was to me! YAY DABS + HCF + HCF oldies (SO THANKFUL FOR YOU). I also started coming back to church after grade 12 and attending Souljourner's fellowship at my church.
*wow. I just realized what an essay-length epic xanga blogging spree I am going on. wow.... I feel like a teen again. Agh. the urge to spill my guts vs. the urge to never say anything... but I guess we all want to be known.... so I'll continue...*
I really feel like God wanted me back at my church. No matter how many times I tried to run away from that church or even God... I can see God's hand directing me specifically back to that church. I stopped going to church after grade 7 when my best friend went to another highschool than me. However, in grade 9 through dragonboat I met Christine and Melvin... who was the friend who actually brought me to Knight Street for the first time. From there on I started going to both service and Sunday school and it was through Sunday school that my heart and mind expanded for God. I learned how to do devos and pray and I remember numerous awesome sermons. I remember Auntie Phoebe talking about being a cold, lukewarm, and hot Christian. I remember Zana talking about what a celebration it will be in heaven... and numerous other talks...
Anyway, I digress from the story but you know... Teens worship + Sunday school had such a big impact in my life as well. After being discouraged in Sunday school I left church again and only started going back when Myles encouraged me to go.
Anyway, long story short... I feel like I'm where God wants me to be in terms of church but I don't know how I fit into the family there.
In the end, I feel like God answered my prayer to show me something so much better than the competitive world...
For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:8
Anyway, I've learned a lot from dragonboat but I'm sure most of us who were in dragonboat can agree on that. It gave us direction in our wayward adolescent days. Haha. Yeaaaah. But it really taught me how to push myself and have good team spirit and heart.
So next time I look sad or complain at you after criticism.. I just want to say a sincere thank you to you. You all know who you are. Specifically in sports or just in my general life and character... thanks for caring and helping me to improve. I'll work on swallowing it a little better (really I will try). Thanks for speaking the truth to me... but maybe a little more love will be needed... I have such a sensitive heart =\. I know it's bad... especially when the world tells you to toughen up! But really thank you. I know I'm so sensitive and I think WAY TOO MUCH... but so many times I've wanted to message people/e-mail people and apologize for my rude behaviour and thank them for their instruction.. but then I always thought it seemed like too much. Hm. Ah, lessons on life and pride. Oh, and thanks to Myles because he has to put up with the worst of my pride.... and he helps me grow and face it and become a little better at conflict resolution.
Okay ulimate (+ board games) here I come! I'll try not to be so self critical/jealous/annoyed/defensive/unteachable!
Wow. this is like my teen life condensed into one blog. So you basically know all about me now :P.
I'll save my "why I want to be an occupational therapist" blog for another day. But let's just say it all started with an injured, swollen finger =).
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| stephen/joshua/kuya/KJ/killjoy/whoeverelseyouknowmeas says:
I also love this quote that a dear friend gave to me before
stephen/joshua/kuya/KJ/killjoy/whoeverelseyouknowmeas says:
"I realized that if I keep waiting for life to get better so I can have a better relationship with Him, I am missing out on knowing Him and I am missing the point of life."
britt says:
so true!
stephen/joshua/kuya/KJ/killjoy/whoeverelseyouknowmeas says:
you're the one who said that to me
britt says:
WHAT! i did?
stephen/joshua/kuya/KJ/killjoy/whoeverelseyouknowmeas says:
yep
stephen/joshua/kuya/KJ/killjoy/whoeverelseyouknowmeas says:
I wrote it down when you said it to me
--
i'm glad to have brothers and good friends who encourage me =).
Jude 1:24-25
To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.
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| "What are you studying?" and "Where do you work?" are two of the most common questions I hear (and ask) at social gatherings with other young adults who I often don't know too well. Finding out the answer to those questions offer some sort of box that I can place people into and it helps me remember them better. Among those two famed questions is a third more sinister question: "What are you going to do after you graduate?"
I used to (and still) ask people this question all of the time. I'm eager to seek out the different job titles and descriptions so that I can mentally place them in a "yes" "maybe" or "no" bin in my mind.
In my heart I think there is fear and anxiety as I think about the third question. I feel so unprepared for "real" life. I feel like somewhere in high school they failed to mention what kind of jobs are out there, what kind of skills and experience they require, and what educational pathway it'll take to get there.
I am fearful and anxious because I don't think I truly trust God enough or perhaps I have failed to ask Him what the right direction for my future is. I know that as long as I ask Him and seek His counsel everything will be okay. As I feel the pressure to compete among the thousands at school, I need to guard my heart to be open to what God has planned for my life. It may be something unexpected. I pray that I would be open to it and that I would be able to listen to what He wants.
It has only been one week of school and I am already feeling the stress. I am stressed about asking for references for grad school and I still have a year to go before I apply. Beyond that I still have to figure out exactly what I want to do. I want to glorify God through my life, which includes my career.
Right now I am so sick of school (it's a love/hate relationship). I think I need a summer off from school for once. I am drained. I need God's strength to get through this.
Good night =)!
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